Often when people reflect on their lives, they think they are referees reviewing the plays of the past, and they are ready to pass their own rulings. But, unlike referees, they can't call a replay; they can't call timeout; and most definitely, they can not reverse the divine ruling. In reality, people reflecting are just spectators of the game called life.
The last twelve months have been crazy.
Last January I swore I was done with girls. Let me explain, I was done looking for a girlfriend and I am done looking for happiness in all the wrong places. For the first couple of months, I feel that I lived that promise. But, it is kind of funny to think about the Eat 'N Park girl, and the episode at the movie theater. At a time when I wasn't pursuing anyone, I had several girls comment on my appearance or take interest in me (which would be a first). I know it sounds minute, but it boosted my morale and self-confidence, which has always been low.
February rolled around and nothing special happened. I did the talent night for the BSO, but I wasn't happy with my performance. The crowd's restlessness killed me. That, and the jokes weren't that great. Next month I'll kill them, hopefully.
March was really a turning point in my life. I started hanging out and falling for my ex-girlfriend. The relationship was amazing and everything I wanted (at least at the time it was). By the end of the month we were dating, and everything just seemed so perfect.
April went by like a flash.
May was just friggin' sweet. The three weeks in Sweden were emotionally rough. The trip fulfilled my dream of visiting "home." Yet, I had a longing to be home.
June - went to the ex's house and started my job at CTY. CTY was six months ago. It's as if it was yesterday. The kids, the jobs, the problems, and the joys, I remember them all.
The year 2006 was like a stream with a waterfall. My job and my relationship were both going great. I had everything I thought I wanted. Still the waterfall came and I screwed up. The people I met at work started eating away at my morals and my faith. If there is anything I learned this year - it's this - I am not strong. My will is feeble. My faith was rocked harder than anytime before.
August was the month of moving around. From May to December, I was constantly moving. Home, Sweden, Home, Ex's, Work, Philly, Ex's, Home, Ex's, Aunt's, and then Lithuania; sure it seemed all fun and games, but it wasn't. I never felt comfortable; I never fully enjoyed myself; and I had no place to rest my head without worry. Shit hit the fan, and it hit it hard. Ever since I left the states, I have been rebuilding my faith. I went through the life blender.
September through December marked the Lithuanian period. Since I wrote, in great detail, on my previous blog, I will spare the details.
So, what do I see for the next year? What are my resolutions? What do I want to change? Here's the list:
- study hard this semester (I would like to get a 4.0)
- make a movie (and I have people willing to help)
- study God's word (this one and the next come up every year)
- find a great job and work my butt off
- make another movie (hopefully with James)
- start saving money for my own apartment
- start researching into schools and programs to do after school